I don't know, okay?

[super_seme04]

AN: I said I was never going to post this, but blualbino, chica_charlie, and phiso_kun have convinced me to do so.

Title: Because it was Snowing
Pairing: Edward/Carlisle
Genre: pre-slash/slash, UST, AU (like WHOA)
Fandom: Twilight (I don't know either, okay?)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which Edward knows what Carlisle wants.

"You can kiss me."

Edward's voice doesn't so much as break the silence between them, it just causes ripples across its stillness.

They're in St. Petersburg. Dirt and grass is washed white and clean by the soft, feather like snow.

He's always quiet and focused in everything that he does, so it's only natural that Carlisle is momentarily stunned speechless.

"Just because one can do something doesn't mean it should be done," he gently says to Edward.

"But you think about it. You possibly think about it more than you should. As a matter of fact, you do."

Carlisle falls into a contemplative silence and he means to put distance between them as politely as possible when he walks to the kitchen, but Edward trails behind him like a shadow. He's learned to walk too quietly too quickly. He's learned a lot of things too quickly.

"I would let you."

"No."

"No?"

Edward's arms wrap around him and his lips graze his neck.

"You don't have to be afraid, Carlisle."

He's still frail and waif like from his disease, but there's power in these limbs now. He's young, curious. The ember of recklessness has sparked and he's fueled by its compulsion.

"You made me. Why would you fear me?"

"You ask too many questions."

"You're not answering me," Edward curiously notes, "and you're trembling. What are you afraid of?"

You.

The thought comes into being without warning and Edward goes more still than possible.

"You made me," he quietly says. "You made me."

Carlisle can't tell if it's an accusation or reverence but Edward releases him.

"I'm sorry for causing you distress."

Carlisle nods stiffly and doesn't dare to move until Edward retires to his room.

The snow continues to fall and Carlisle ignores the ache in his chest and how his hands still tremble.

The next few days are quiet.

Edward sits in the living room and reads anything that he can get his hands on, but Carlisle can still feel his eyes on him.

He doesn't even look away. He just gives him a small smile then returns to his book.

Carlisle feels foolish hiding in his room from a mere child, but Edward is becoming sure and confident in the way he now moves.

Almost too sure.

He keeps his silence without consciously holding himself apart from others, but there's something cold about him.

Something untouchable.

Carlisle wishes for him to stay that way.

Edward leaves for a couple of days and Carlisle thinks nothing of it.

It's only natural for him to explore and Carlisle berates himself for worrying.

Nights later, Edward returns smelling of whores and cheap perfume.

"Good night, Carlisle."

There's a smile on his face and blood on his lips.

Carlisle waited for him and Edward doesn't even glance in his direction.

He just stumbles to his room drunk on stolen lives as he hums the traditional drinking song of this region.

Carlisle redecorates the house and Edward is himself again in the morning.

Quiet and contained but his eyes hold the color of his sin. He doesn't even bother to keep up the pretense of reading as he watches Carlisle.

"Can I taste you?"

They're kept inside by a snow storm. Edward is sprawled across the carpet on his stomach with his head propped up in his hands as he looks up at Carlisle.

The position is everything but childish or accidental and Carlisle can't help but trace the curve of Edward's spine with his eyes.

"You're just restless. It'll pass."

"I am restless," Edward confesses as he rolls over then stretches with a sigh.

His pants already rest on the sharpness of his hips and his shirt trails up to reveal soft, pale skin.

He wait for Carlisle to trail his eyes back up to his face before he smiles his little Cheshire grin.

"I would let you."

"Restlessness."

Edward rolls back on his stomach and doesn't move to sit at Carlisle's feet until he looks at him.

He sets his head on his knee and they stay like that for the night.

Edward has no more nightly adventures and Carlisle ventures out of his room.

The snow continues to fall and there is peace.

Carlisle at least thought there was peace but Edward starts to test what he can and can't do.

He sits at Carlisle's feet and begins to absently play with his fingers.

"Edward..."

He just smiles.

He subtly carves a place for himself in Carlisle's space.

"You're not clever."

Edward just tilts his head.

"You need time. This is time. I know you more than you know yourself and you won't deny yourself forever," he says as if it's inevitable.

"It's a sin."

Edward frowns.

"Man is born and lives then dies. Aren't we already an abomination? Don't we already defy-"

Carlisle moves before he can stop himself and Edward blinks then slowly wipes away the blood that's trailing down his chin.

"Ow," he tonelessly says.

He curiously licks his fingers and Carlisle lets out a small, shameful sound.

"Please remove yourself from my sight."

Edward obeys with a silence that stings and Carlisle is both relieved and saddened by that.

He stays in his room and Carlisle is now the one to pace across the floor.

This was to be expected. Edward was young, he would have questions. He was suppose to have questions.

He shouldn't have hit him.

Children are suppose to be curious, but Edward wasn't a child.

He turned into something terrifying and beautiful right before his eyes.

Carlisle did nothing to stop it. He just watched.

Spellbound. Stupid. Selfish.

"I'm sorry I made you unhappy."

Edward's hair is tousled by sleep and frustration and his eyelashes quiver as he looks down at his feet.

He's in a dark, woolen trousers and nothing else and he seems to have been biting his lip over the tense days that have passed.

When he finally risks a glance at Carlisle, his eyes are a dark, rich crimson.

"I'm sorry," he quietly repeats.

Lucifer must have looked just as tragic when he fell.

Air that Carlisle doesn't even need to breathe rushes out of his lungs and he feels dizzy.

"Edward-"

"I just wanted it to be you. I don't want anyone else. I can't have anyone else."

There's no desperation or blind, all consuming lust.

He's as calm as ever but he just can't bring himself to look Carlisle in the eye.

"I don't want to make you unhappy. That was never my intention," Edward mumbles. "I just wanted you to know. I can read your thoughts so it's only fair that you know mine," he adds. "I'm going to go..."

He gestures vaguely to his room and Carlisle shakes his head.

"Come here."

"...You don't want me close. I'm going to-"

"Edward, come here."

He takes short, measured steps like he expects to be hit again and Carlisle's heart breaks all over again.

"Closer."

"...I'd rather not."

Carlisle gently wraps his hand around Edward's wrist and his immovable until something like hope fills his eyes."

"You-"

"You're mine. Nothing will change that," Carlisle wearily says. "You're just... so odd at times. You're adapting and changing and it's fascinating to watch, but I don't know what you're becoming."

Edward shuffles forward then rests his forehead against Carlisle's.

"I'm sorry that I made you strike me."

"Stop making this easy."

"Why can't it be easy? Why can't you just-"

Carlisle presses a finger to his lips and Edward immediately quiets.

"Do we honestly have to talk about this?"

Edward frowns but shakes his head.

"Good."

Carlisle sits to read and Edward sits at his feet.

His fingers move to tangle in Edward's hair and Edward smiles.

For now, this will be enough.

There's still time.